Keith’s posterous

Keith’s posterous

Keith Dsouza  //  Just a place to forward funny emails I keep getting from friends, visit keithdsouza.com to see my entire profile.

Jul 14 / 9:38am

2% or 98% - tRuLy AmaZiNg



2% or 98%


This is strange...can you figure it out?


Are you the 2% or 98% of the population?


Follow the instructions! NO PEEKING AHEAD!

* Do the following exercise, guaranteed to raise an eyebrow.


* There's no trick or surprise.


* Just follow these instructions, and answer the questions one at a time and as quickly as you can!

* Again, as quickly as you can but don't advance until you've done each of them .. really.








* Now, scroll down (but not too fast, you might miss something).















Think of a number from 1 to 10






































Multiply that number by 9












































!


If the number is a 2-digit number, add the digits together












































Now subtract 5















































Determine which letter in the alphabet corresponds to the number you ended up with

(example: 1=a, 2=B, 3=c,etc.)














































Think of a country that starts with that letter










































Remember the last letter of the name of that country


















































Think of the name of an animal that starts with that letter
















































Remember the last letter in the name of that animal



















!



























Think of the name of a fruit that starts with that letter





































! ; Are you thinking of a Kangaroo in Denmark eating an Orange ?



I told you this was FREAKY!! If not, you're among the 2% of the population whose minds are different enough to think of something else. 98% of people will answer with kangaroos in Denmark when given this exercise. Keep this message going. This one is actually worth sending on to others. Forward it to people you know so they can find out if they are usual or unusual



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Jul 12 / 9:54am

Hamara bachpan kuch khaas tha....

Enjoy!   Sweet Memories of our School days.....Read till the end..

Are you missing those days? Sometimes I do

Doordarshan Logo


Doordarshan' s Screensaver


Malgudi Days




Dekh Bhai Dekh



o
Ramayan


Mile Sur Mera Tumhara


Turning Point



Bharath Ek Khoj




Alif Laila



Byomkesh Bakshi



Tehkikaat



He Man




Salma Sultana DD News Reader





Vicco turmeric,
Nahin cosmetic
Vicco turmeric ayurvedic cream



Twaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii iiiiiiiiiiiiiiii iiiiiiinggggggg
Washin powder Nirma, Washing powder Nirma
Doodh si safedi, Nirma se aayi
Rangeen kapde bhi khil khil jaaye




I'm a Complan Boy(Shahid Kapoor) and I'm a Complan Girl (Ayesha Takia)



Surabhi : Renuka Sahane and Siddharth

Then were 'Mungerilal ke hasin sapane' and 'karamchand' ...'Vikram Betal', etc.

How did one survive growing up in the 80's and 90's?
We had no seatbelts, no airbags and sitting in the back of a truck was a treat…
Our baby prams had the most gorgeous lead based colours…
No such thing as tamper proof bottle tops…



Opening kitchen cupboards was a breeze… as safety locks were unheard off…
Cycling was like a breath of fresh air…
No safety helmets, knee pads or elbow pads, with plenty of cardboards between spokes to make it sound like a motorbike…


When thirsty we only drank tap water, bottled water was still a mystery…
We kept busy collecting bits & pieces so we could build all sort of things … and we were fearless on our bikes even when the brakes failed going downhill…
We were showing off how tough we are, by how high we could climb trees & then jumping down….It was great fun….



We could stay out to play for hours, as long as we got back before dark, in time for dinner…
We walked to school, or sometimes we even rode our bike.
We had no mobile phones, but we always managed to find each other…. How? No one knows…
We lost teeth, broke arms & legs, we got cuts and bruises and bloody noses…. nobody complained as we had so much fun, it wasn't anybody's fault, only ours
We ate everything in sight, cakes, bread, chocolate, ice-cream, sweet sugary drinks, yet, we stayed skinny by fooling around.



And if one of us was lucky to find a 1 litre coca cola bottle we all had a swag from it & guess what? Nobody picked up any germs...
We did not have Play Stations, MP3,  I-Pods, Video games, 99 Cable TV channels, DVD's, Home Cinema, Mobile phones, Home Computers, Laptops, Chat-rooms, Internet, etc ... BUT, we had REAL FRIENDS!!!!
We called on friends to come out to play, never rang the doorbell, just went around the back…
We loved being let loose in the big bad world…without bodyguards…
We played with sticks and stones, played cowboys and Indians, doctors and nurses, hide and seek, soccer games, over and over again…



We had freedom, success, disappointments and responsibilities. ..

Most of all, we learned to respect others…



Are YOU from that generation?? If that's the case, email this to all your friends from the same era…
Maybe this message will help them forget the stress that surrounds us these days….and just for a few moments puts a smile to their faces as they remember what life was really like in the good old days…… Don't you think they were GREAT DAYS.....I sure think so..
I Just can't stop smiling,Am sure U will have the same ..................
HAVE A GREAT DAY!



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Jul 2 / 9:00am

The human Body - TOO GOOD


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It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
  
One human hair can support 3 kg (6.6 lb). 

The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb. 

Human thighbones are stronger than concrete. 

A woman's heart beats faster than a man's. 

There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
  
Women blink twice as often as men. 

The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.
  
Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still. 

If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it. 

Women reading this will be finished now. 

Men are still busy checking their thumbs.       


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Jun 30 / 11:19am

10 principles for Peace of Mind..



1. Do Not Interfere In Others' Business Unless Asked.


Most of us create our own problems by interfering too often in others' affairs. We do so because somehow we have convinced ourselves that our way is the best way, our logic is the perfect logic and those who do not conform to our thinking must be criticized and steered to the right direction, our direction. This thinking denies the existence of individuality and consequently the existence of God.. God has created each one of us in a unique way. No two human beings can think or act in exactly the same way. All men or women act the way they do because God within them prompts them that way. Mind your own business and you will keep your peace.


2. Forgive And Forget:


This is the most powerful aid to peace of mind. We often develop ill feelings inside our heart for the person who insults us or harms us. We nurture grievances. This in turn results in loss of sleep, developmental of stomach ulcers, and high blood pressure. This insult or injury was done once, but nourishing of grievance goes on forever by constantly remembering it. Get over this bad habit. Life is too short to waste in such trifles. Forgive,20Forget, and march on. Love flourishes in giving and forgiving.

3. Do Not Crave For Recognition:


This world is full of selfish people. They seldom praise anybody without selfish motives. They may praise you today because you are in power, but no sooner than you are powerless, they will forget your achievement and will start finding faults in you. Why do you wish to kill yourself lf in striving for their recognition? Their recognition is not worth the aggravation. Do your duties ethically and sincerely.


4. Do Not Be Jealous:



We all have experienced how jealousy can disturb our peace of mind. You know that you work harder than your colleagues in the office, but sometimes they get promotions; you do not. You started a business several years ago, but you are not as successful as your neighbour whose business is only one year old. There are several examples like these in everyday life. Should you be jealous? No. Remember everybody's life is shaped by his/her destiny, which has now become his/her reality. If you are destined to be rich, nothing in the world can stop you. If you are not so destined, no one can help you either. Nothing will be gained by blaming others for your misfortune. Jealousy will not get you anywhere; it will only take away your peace of mind.

5. Change Yourself According To The Environment:


If you try to change the environment single-handily, the chances are you will fail. Instead, change yourself to suit your environment. As you do this, even the environment, which has been unfriendly to you, will mysteriously change and seem congenial and harmonious.

6. Endure What Cannot Be Cured:


This is the best way to turn a disadvantage into an advantage. Every day we face numerous inconveniences, ailments, irritations, and accidents that are beyond our control. If we cannot control them or change them, we must learn to put up with these things. We must learn to endure them cheerfully. Believe in yourself and you will gain in terms of patience, inner strength and will power.

7. Do Not Bite Off More Than You Can Chew:


This maxim needs to be remembered constantly. We often tend to take more responsibilities than we are capable of carrying out. This is done to satisfy our ego. Know your limitations. . Why take on additional loads that may create more worries? You cannot gain peace of mind by expanding your external activities. Reduce your material engagements and spend time in prayer, introspection and meditation. This will reduce those thoughts in your mind that make you restless. Uncluttered mind will produce greater peace of mind.

8. Med itate Regularly:


Meditation calms the mind and gets rid of disturbing thoughts. This is the highest state of peace of mind. Try and experience it yourself. If you meditate earnestly for half an hour everyday, your mind will tend to become peaceful during the remaining twenty-three and half-hours. Your mind will not be easily disturbed as it was before. You would benefit by gradually increasing the period of daily meditation. You may think that this will interfere with your daily work. On the contrary, this will increase your efficiency and you will be able to produce better results in less time.



9. Never Leave The Mind Vacant:


An empty mind is the devil's workshop. All evil actions start in the vacant mind. Keep your mind occupied in something positive, something worthwhile. Actively follow a hobby. Do something that holds your interest. You must decide what you value more: money or peace of mind. Your hobby, like social work or religious work, may not always earn you more money, but you will have a sense of fulfilment and achievement. Even when you are resting physically, occupy yourself in healthy reading or mental chanting of God's name.

10. Do Not Procrastinate And Never Regret:


Do not waste time in protracted wondering " Should I or shouldn't I?" Days, weeks, months, and years may be wasted in that futile mental debating. You can never plan enough because you can never anticipate all future happenings. Value your time and do the things that need to be done. It does not matter if you fail the first time. You can learn from your mistakes and succeed the next time. Sitting back and worrying will lead to nothing. Learn from your mistakes, but do not brood over the past. DO NOT REGRET. Whatever happened was desti ned to happen only that way. Why cry over spilt milk?

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Jun 29 / 7:56pm

US kids version of Ramayan

A young second generation Indian in the US was asked by his mother to   explain the significance of "Diwali" to his younger brother, this is how  he went about it...

" So, like this dude had, like, a big cool kingdom and people liked him.  But, like, his step-mom, or something, was kind of a bitch, and she forced  her husband to, like, send this cool-dude, he was Ram, to some national  forest or something.... Since he was going, for like, something like more  than 10 years or so.... he decided to get his wife and his bro along...  you know...so that they could all chill out together. But Dude, the forest  was reeeeal scary shit... really man...they had monkeys and devils and  shit like that. But this dude, Ram, kicked with darts and bows and  arrows... so it was fine.

But then some bad gangsta boys, some jerk called Ravan, picks up his babe  (Sita) and lures her away to his hood. And boy, was our man, and also his
bro, Laxman, pissed... all the gods were with him... So anyways, you don't  mess with gods. So, Ram, and his bro get an army of monkeys... Dude, don't
ask me how they trained the damn monkeys... just go along with me, ok...

So, Ram, Lax and their monkeys whip this gangsta's ass in his own hood....  Anyways, by this time, their time's up in the forest... and anyways... it  gets kinda boring, you know... no TV or malls or shit like that. So,they  deci ded to hitch a ride back home... and when the people realize that our  dude, his bro and the wife are back home... they thought, well, you know,  at least they deserve something nice... and they didn't have any bars or  clubs in those days... so they couldn't take them out for a drink, so  they, like, decided to smoke and shit... and since they also had some  lamps, they lit the lamps also....so it was pretty cooool... you know with  all those fireworks.... Really, they even had some local band play along  with the fireworks... and you know, what, dude, that was the very first,  no kidding.., thatwas the very first music-synchronized fireworks... you  know, like the 4th of July stuff, but just, more cooler and stuff, you
know. And, so dude,   that was how, like, this festival started."

The mother fainted.. 

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Jun 25 / 9:12am

Ad war between Blackberry and Apple...






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Jun 14 / 2:22pm

Customer Service - Know your Customer !

Customer Service - Know your Customer !

 

Selling coke in Saudi Arabia

A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment. A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?"


The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East , I was very confident that I would make a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through three posters...


 


First poster
- A man lying in the hot desert sand...totally exhausted and fainting.

Second poster - man is drinking our Cola.

Third poster- Our man is now totally refreshed.

 

Then these posters were pasted all over the place

"That should have worked," said the friend.

The salesman replied "I also didn't realize that Arabs go from right to left"

 

         
Click here to download:
Customer_Service_-_Know_your_C.zip (35 KB)

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Jun 14 / 2:21pm

Armymen

 
A new Army Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the Afghanistan desert. During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a Camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asks the Sergeant why the camel is kept there.

The nervous sergeant said, "Well sir, as you know, there are 250 men here on the post and no women. And sir, sometimes the men have "urges". That's why we have Molly the Camel."

The Captain says, "I can't say that I condone this, but I understand about "urges", so the camel can stay....."

About a month later, the Captain starts; having his own "urges". Crazy with passion, he asks the Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent. Putting a ladder behind the camel, the Captain stands on the ladder, pulls his pants down and has wild, insane sex with the camel. When he's done, he asks the Sergeant "

Is that how the men do it?"

No not really, sir... "They usually just ride the camel into town where the girls are."

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Jun 14 / 2:20pm

Fw: The Joys of Aging


THE JOYS OF AGING


 




































An old lady was standing at the rail of the cruise ship holding her hat so that it wouldn't blow away in the wind.?





A gentleman approached her and said, "Pardon me, madam.
I do not intend to be forward but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this wind?"


"Yes, I know," said the lady. "But I need my hands to hold onto my hat."?

"But madam, he said, "you must know that you're derriere is exposed!"??


The woman looked down, then back up at the man and said,
"Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old, but I just bought this hat yesterday!"


 


                 
Click here to download:
Fw_The_Joys_of_Aging.zip (388 KB)

                     
Click here to download:
0Fw_The_Joys_of_Aging.zip (431 KB)

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Jun 14 / 2:06pm

Chinglish beats hinglish ............(Must Read........)


China is the place to be for English teachers



WELCOME FOR COMING!?

 











The Key to Existence is pushing!

 












Duh…?

 













I wont......
Promise....
But where r u?

 















CHILDREN MADE IN CHINA!

 















Have a careful suicide....

 














I'm NOT going to pay to trim the foot.

 















Still not able to understand?.....Neither do I......(May be accident prone area).

 














Data Breaker ?!?!?!

 














Bottled water in a can?

 




























Okay......

 
















Isko koi suli pe chadha do ...

 













image016.jpg


R THEY UR RELATIVES????

NICE TO MEET THEM......

 















Thanks for the Suggestion…!!!

 















 















Yes I WILL…..!!!

 















 
















Died on the table?  Thanks for your Corporation ..!!!




 

 

 

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